guide me:)

we've got an activity in one of our subjects, Guidance and Counseling.
when a classmate of mine was asked about a favorite flower, he immediate answered 'rose', and then a follow up question was again asked: why? he said he had given the flower to a special someone. curiosity arouse with our classmates then asked him again: who? he laughed and stared directly to me and said,"ask her." blushing, they all looked at me and asked, "had he given you a flower before?" i said i don't know. he said, yes, i did.

lang ya.
di ko maalala na binigyan nia ko ng flowers!!
haha:))
yun lang",)

AN OPEN LETTER FOR YOU, WITH LOVE

dear YOU,
i am too tired of calling you kuya. i feel so awkward each time
i have to call you kuya just to end our topics about ourselves.
it seems too awkward everytime i say, "tumigil na ka kuya rex!"
just to stop you from saying you love me.

i have been too tired of pretending i don't care. i am too tired of acting as if i am not bothered with your existence when in fact, i am too affected when you're not around. i am too tired of forcing myself that what we have is not for real. that you don't really love me. i am too tired of making myself believe that there is nothing going on between us.

I knew enough how much you have loved me.. and i know as well that you're still loving me in silence... that we are still in love with each other, silently. i have been too afraid that if we came to love each other, what we have wont work that way it is before..

i am too tired of trying to not to admit that i love you.. of just trying not to love you. when in fact... i am actually here... drowned with you. too in loved.

i hope we can still work it out.

i hope i am still not too late...

love,

wendi

BUKAS PA

May mga pagkakataon sa buhay ng tao na hindi na nya alam kung ano nga ba taaga ang makapagpapasaya sa kanya. Pamilya? Kaibigan? Minamahal??
Marami akong tanong sa mundo. Ang ilan sa mga yun, hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa nahahanapan ng kasagutan. Minsan naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Madalas kasing mahanapan ko ang sagot sa mga tanong ko pero hindi ko yun pinpansin—dahil iba ang sagot na hinihintay ko.
Tulad ngayon. Ilang ulit ko na bang tinanong kung totoo nga bang mahal nya ko?? Oo. At ilang beses ko na ring nasagot ang tanong na yun. Mahal nya nga ako.
Gusto kong maging masaya. Gusto kong ipagdiwang yung araw na nalaman kong mahal nya nga ako talaga. Ano pa nga ba ang mas sasaya pa—nalaman mong mahal ka rin ng taong mahal mo… nalaman mo na higit pa sa pag-aalala mo sa kanya ang pag-aalala nya sayo.. na ipinangako nya na sayo lang sya… may mas sasaya pa nga ba dun? Sa tingin ko kasi wala na. Mahal ko sya. Sobrang mahal nya ‘ko… masaya diba?
Oo. Masaya nga sana. Pero… iba nga yata talaga yung takbo ng utak ko. antagal kong hinitay yung pagkakataong to—na malamang mahal nya rin ako. Tapos nung nandito na, bigla ko naman syang tinalikuran. Ewan. Natatakot kasi ako na baka kapag binigyang pansin ko yung namumuong pagtitinginan saming dalawa, baka magkailangan lang kami. Yung tipong—pag nagsawa na kami sa isa’t isa eh bigla nalang kaming magkakalimutan? Natatakot ako. Ayokong mawala sya sakin… kaya ko tinalikuran nalang ang pagkakataong mas mapalapit pa sa kanya.
Siguro, kung ibang tao lang ako, I will be pleased to grab the opportunity of having him as mine… pero hindi eh. Hindi ko gawain yun. Ewan ko nga ba—ayokong magkakaroon ng kahit konting feelings para sakin yung taong mahal ko. Wala lang. Ayoko kasing I take for granted lang ako. Haay.
Aaminin ko, nung una masaya talaga ako. Sobrang masaya. Panong hindi? Nung hindi pa kami seryoso sa mga nararamdaman namin, (nagbibiruan lang kasi kami nung una) halos buong maghapon na magkasama kami. Magkahawak ng kamay. Sobrang sweet. Sabi nga nila, relasyon nalang daw ang kulang saming dalawa. I guess that would be it. Ayoko kasi nang commitment. Umabot pa kami sa puntong nagsasabihan kami ng MAHAL KITA kahit wala naman kaning relasyon. Para kaming mga bata noon. Walang pakialam sa mga taong nakapaligid samin—ang alam lang namin, masaya kami pag magkasama. Masaya sana… kung hindi lang ako natauhan. Kung hindi ko lang sana naisip na kahit sobrang mahal na namin ang isa’t isa, may limitasyon parin kami—after all, wala naman kaming relasyon. Hindi parin maganda na kahit mahal namin ang isa’t isa eh daig pa namin ang magkasintahan.
Tama. Ako nga ang unang tumapos sa kwentong akala ko eh wala nang katapusan. Inisip ko noon, habang buhay na akong magiging masaya. Hindi pala. Lahat talaga may hangganan.
Sa ngayon… mahal ko parin sya. Siguro… mahal nya parin ako. Pero hindi na kami tulad ng dati. Hindi na ako masyadong lumalapit sa kanya. Umiwas ako. Hindi lang sya ang nakapansin na iniiwasan ko na sya—lahat. Napansin ng mga classmate namin na hindi na nga kami tulad ng dati. Lagi nila akong tinatanong. Hindi ko naman alam kung anong isasagot ko. Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na—ayoko na sa kanya. Hindi parin naman ako sinungaling kahit papano.
Ayokong pangunahan ang sitwasyon—lalo ngayon na magulo para sakin ang lahat. Pilit ko parin kasing itinatali ang sarili ko sa aninong ginawa ko noong high school pa ako. Tinapos ko na yun. Pinutol ko na ang kung anumang mag-uugnay saming dalawa—na dapat eh noon ko pa ginawa.. Kailangan pa ng isang RR para lang magawa ko yun.. well… salamat narin… magiging masaya naman siguro ako… bukas…

RANDOM

-- minsan,may mga bagay sa buhay na kahit hindi mo makuha, makita mo lang masaya ka na.

-- hindi naman kailangan ng maraming tao para bumuo ka ng mundo. minsan, isang tao lang ang kailangan mo, buo na ang mundong pinapangarap mo habangbuhay.

-- hindi lahat ng iniisip mong tama ay tama nga. at hindi lahat ng hindi mali eh tama na. minsan, kailangan mong manahimik para hindi magmukhang tanga.

-- walang taong perpekto. pero hindi dahilan yun para gawin mo lahat ng pagkakamaling pwede mo namang gawing tama.

-- hindi dahil natututo tayo sa mga pagkakamali natin, ibig sabihin ay hindi na tayo dapat gumawa ng tama.

-- i wonder how people ask for changes in our country, yet they can't even put tiny candy wrappers in the trashcan.

-- we must know our limits. we are all something, but none of us are everything.

-- don't blame life for being worse. admit to yourself that you must have done something to let it be like that.

HENRY

You have embedded yourself in silence
Just like the growling wind of December crest
In a cold, blue winter eve.
You have drowned yourself in the sea of secrets
Of untold stories and unsaid promises
Then suddenly, you leave….

You are now in the pinnacle of knowing yourself
Of introducing the art of waiting to eternity
As you introduce eternity to me…
Now…you have lost the courage to believe
In the process of embedding yourself in silence
As you managed to know yourself

I knew you
You have lost yourself in the process of wanting to know me
You see? Life can’t be easy, as we learn about its irony
Silenced had broke itself, letting you go.
But, guess it’s too late.
Silence has you…
Down there.

VAGUE

You have been silenced by the clamors of your thoughts
You have enveloped your ideas and powerful words
You once showed me democracy
All that’s left now is this stabbing reality

You are once an explorer of minds
You once taught me to walk through miles
Now, everything turned out to be just fantasy
Changes stays, and so I condemn the promise of eternity

Time continues to run out
As you continued running out of time
Now—you leave me with no doubt
I could never call you mine…

MATATAG PARIN ANG REPUBLIKA NI JUAN

Sa patuloy na kumakapal na bulsa ng Malakanyang
Sa mabagal na pag-usad ng mga buwayang mangmang
Sa patuloy na pagsasamanlata sa aking bayan
Sa mga walang pakialam…

Sa isanlibo’y isang pares ng mga matang dilat
Sa isanlibo’t isang nagkukubling mga ngiting huwad
Sa mga sugat na dulot ng mga pang hubad
Sa mga kalsadang basag…

Sa mga kumakalam at kinakalawang na sikmura
Sa din a mabilang na bibig nakatunganga
Sa matayog na bundok ng nilalangaw na basura
Doon… doon sila umaasa!!

Sa mga kabataang kaibigan ay droga
Sa mga lipunang nananatili ang piring sa mga mata
Sa isanlibo;t isang pars ng mga bagsak na mukha
Sa kakapirasong pag-asa…

Labinlimang pares ng mga gumagalang kaluluwa
Walang pinanggalingan, saan nga ba papunta?
Sa mg kumikita sa kalakaran ng laman
Sa mga wala nang makapitan…

Sa demokrasyang ibinaoon na sa limot
Sa mga karapatang inamag na’t inalikabok
Sa pagbabagong kaytagal nang abot tanaw
Ngunit hindi abot kamay…

Bakit may naglalakad ng nakapaa?
Bakit may mga taong kumakain ng basura?
May nagbebenta ng laman, lumalamon ng droga…
Sino nga bang may sala?!

Ikaw na pakalat-kalat na oportunista
Nagsasalita sa harap ng dambana
Di pansin ang mga rali’t demonstrasyon
Ikaw na nasa posisyon!!

AKO DAW ANG SIMULA?!

Kung isasaing ko ba ang isanlibo’t isang gatang ng bigas,
Sasapat ba ito sa kumakalam nang sikmura ng mahihirap?
Mabubusog ba nito ang nagugutom nang utak ng Pilipinas?
O kulang parin para sa mga kaluluwang hindi lang bigas ang hanap?

Kung kakalampagin ko ba ang isanlibo’t isang kampana,
Magigising ko ba ang natutulog na isip ng madla?
Mabubuhay ko ba ang matagal nang pinatay na demokrasya?
O kulang parin para ilabas ang mga nakabulsang utak ng masa?

Kung gagawa ba ako ng isanlibo’t isang tula,
Mababago ba nito ang guhit ng aking tadhana?
Mapapalutang ko ba ang papalubog nang kalagayan ng bansa?
O kulang parin kahit isampal kong isa isa sa mukha ng tagapamahala?

Ilan pang mesa ang dudulutan ng panis na kanin?
Ilan pang kampana ang kailangang hampasin?
Ilang tula pa ang isasampal sayo,
Para magising ka, kabataang Pilipino?

papel at pluma

Martyrdom has never been a part of the loving process. When he obviously wants to extract you out of his life, let go. If he already has another woman, move on. If you know you there's no way you can have him again, forget. Love is not always about working things out. Sometimes, you'll have to learn to give up when it's obviously over. After all, there would always be someone who'll deserve your love and worth more than he did. And when you found that someone, you'll be very thankful it wasn't him.

You don't always have to fight for things, especially when you know it won't work out anymore. But that won't mean you'll be bitter about it. Try to let go and understand things. Love is not always about the competition and comparison, it's not always about winning the race. Sometimes, losing will make you feel better, especially when you understand why certain things happen.

Life really goes out this way. It goes beyond your control and sometimes, it make you do things you are not used to do before. You love with no reason, trust with no hesitation, forgive with no more need for elaboration. But it'll make you feel thankful when you realize ... it's worth the experience after all.

=)

UNCERTAIN

i knew enough how stupid it is to trust you. pero ginawa ko parin. ewan. cliche as it may seem, andali ko nanamang nagbigay ng tiwala.

sa totoo lang, seryoso na 'ko. mahal kita, and i mean it. tulad ng paulit ulit kong sinasabi, hindi naman ako magpapakababa ng ganito kung hindi ako seryoso at kung hindi kita mahal.

idiot, yes i am.

pakiramdam ko naglolokohan nalang tayo.
you said its over? then what was all these about?
honesty? hindi ko alam kung honest ka pa sakin, or king totoo mang naging honest ka.

ewan.
pero, naguguluhan ako.

life cycle

sometimes you'll think it's over. or it isn't right. or it just simply does not satisfy what you're expecting. maybe you're just too weak to face the consequences, or just to afraid to fail once more. but then you'll realize, he's worth the pain. he's worth all the sacrifices and he'll worth the trust. and so you'll fall. you'll give the trust which you've stocked within you for the last three years. then you'll be deeply engaged in the so-called love affair that you had. and then, you'll be simply delighted with the i love you's for almost ten times a day. and then you'll again realize the art of waiting. you'll be summoned to answer the question of until when. then you'll realize, for the nth time, you have just trusted again--stupidly. but you'll deceive yourself. you'll say it's okay but deep within. you're tired. too much tired to fight once more. to hold on. to say i love you ten times a day. to say you'll wait forever. then you'll realize (because realizing is your favorite hobby), it's really over and you just can't work it out anymore. then you'll go back to the process of moving on. of forgetting. and of doubting again.

life is a cyclic pattern of regrets.
it happens.
once.
twice.
sometimes even thrice.